If I did have my own reality show then tonights episode would be worthy of sweeps week. I can just see the clips they'd show to promote the episode and none of them make me look particularly good. The evening started out fine enough, I had made cookies and Max had made cookies with his worker. I put them in ziploc bags inside a tupperware and inside the microwave. This is usually a safe place where Max doesn't take things from. I said usually. Larry is at work, Julianna was in her fortress of solitude, and Max was on his computer and watching his tv in the living room. The kitchen was locked up so I thought it was safe to go upstairs for a bit to check on my ebay auctions, put away a few things etc. Some time passes, all is quiet downstairs (well honestly I did have my ipod on so maybe it wasn't quiet but I didn't care). It gets to be close to 9 so I head downstairs to round the kiddos off to bed. What I discover is not a pretty sight.
Max had found the cookies in the microwave and he liked the gingerbread ones he made a lot and ate a whole bunch of them. He liked parts of the heart smart cookies I made, he didn't like the cherries so I found a massacre of cherries and decimated cookie parts from the microwave to the living room, ground into the couch, the chocolate chunks were melted all over his hands and face and supersuit (one piece outfit that zips in the back that prevents hands in the pull up messes). His desk was in pieces on the floor with his laptop on the floor in the middle of it. And there was a bad smell.
After saying some swears (thats part of what I'm sure they would preview in the promos) I got the broom and swiffer and clorox wipes and began the clean up. All the while he is capering about trying to get more cookies! Finally after about 15 minutes I got things pretty well cleaned up. Julianna wisely went upstairs to get herself ready for bed to stay out of the danger zone. He had his pills and two mini nilla wafer cookies. His usual bedtime snack is more elaborate but there was no more deliciousness offered to him this night. We headed upstairs where I fought him to deal with the bad smell, his butt was sore so there was quite a struggle that ended in the shower. The kids showerhead is waiting for the plumber to come to deal with it, it leaks like crazy and sprays water all over me on a good day when I'm trying to wash the boy. Tonight I managed to drop the showerhead as I was trying to put it back and it did a 360 turn in mid air spraying water all over the bathroom, reaching the mirror and soaking me. There may or may not have been more swearing.
Finally he's clean, teeth are brushed etc. We go to his room and I begin the application of the various salves and lotions. He gets some cream on a rash on his arm, he gets sensitive skin moisturizer on his face and a generous slathering of Desiten on his sore bum. At this point he is happy and dancing around so a moving target. I manage to get a thick layer on all the parts and he picks up a stuffed Santa doll and is dancing it around. Fine, good, be happy. Well, fine and good until he wipes his ASS with SANTA!!! So now Santa has non water soluble Desiten on his jolly red self. In the struggle to keep him from wiping slimy Santa on anything else I get Desiten all over me including smeared into my newly repaired and shined up rings and Max gets it on his hands and belly. Whatever. I wrap Santa in a towel and chuck him into the hall. I'm sure he'll be bringing me coal now. After stuffing him into his pj's and arranging all the things that need it Max is happy and angelic and has no clue why mommy is soggy, exhausted and grumpy. So I kiss him goodnight, beg him to sleep in and close his door. The next thing I hear is his light clicking on and maniacal laughter. I just know he's plotting for the next episode.
